


never was yours

by doublejoint



Category: Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Legacy (Comics)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:42:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22298770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doublejoint/pseuds/doublejoint
Summary: But if they both walked away, would they walk the same path?
Relationships: Kol Skywalker/Morrigan Corde
Kudos: 1





	never was yours

**Author's Note:**

> title from 'this is gospel' by patd bc it's been in my head all day and imo suits them quite well

Hope burns white-hot, like light from underneath a child's blanket when they're supposed to be asleep but are up late reading. There are always a few in the temple like that; Kol never was one, always tiring himself out by the end of the day, but now that he takes care of them he can see the feigned subtlety, even if he couldn't feel in the Force the telltale sense of a childish attempt at concealment. Hope spreads without escaping its source, still burning brightly from the flashlight. It's easier to believe when you can feel it, maybe, but beings doubt and disbelieve the senses they have all the time.

"You're a Jedi, through and through," says Morrigan. "It's not the Force stuff; it's the way you look at things."

It is, perhaps, easier to hope and trust yourself when you're raised with that above all else. That there are Jedi who leave the order, who go down a dark path or simply one that does not include following the Light the way the Jedi do, does not negate this.

"You can learn to look at things like this, too."

Morrigan stops herself from sighing, but Kol can feel her do it in the Force, as she'd probably meant him to. They've had this fight before; they'll have it again. He's going to argue now anyway because it's worth fighting for, because it's important.

"It won't serve me well in Imperial Intelligence. You know that. It's not like flipping a switch."

"Then leave."

He has not said this before, has only felt it on his tongue but never yielded to his impulses, left the blaster sheathed on his belt. And this should not be that kind of fight; it goes against the tenets of gentleness and understanding and conflict resolution that Kol has lived with all his life, the things that ground him in the light side, the side of hope. Love is never a battle, nor even a political negotiation, but Morrigan is part of a different world and she has a way of taking Kol there before he even knows, falling to instincts that should have long since been trained out of him. He cannot even justify, after the fact, that saying this sentence, offering what has always been for the taking explicitly, was the right thing to do now instead of the first time they'd had this argument, or the time before this, or never.

She looks straight back at him, anger and guilt and--tiredness seeping through her Force presence.

"So you leaving isn't an option, but me leaving is."

Her voice is strained, her lips pursing after she says it. She means to hurt, because he hadn't meant to hurt. It does, a twist of the blade right under his skin, slicing him as if he's inconsequential. Of course he can't leave the Jedi; he is too deep in and it is his destiny, his legacy, the blood in his veins and the kyber in his blade. Her ties do not run the same way as his, but they are not shallow; they bind her in ways she has embraced and ways that have embraced her as she's struggled. But--she could walk away, if she really wanted to. And, Kol supposes, the same goes for him.

But if they both walked away, would they walk the same path? (No, just as if he were to walk away he would never join the Empire, and she would never live among the Jedi.)

"We bit off a bit more than we could chew, eh?"

(She'd meant to hurt and hadn't wanted to, just as she'll be fighting herself the whole way when she finally does leave.)

"I'll chew..." Kol's never been the best at continuing other people's metaphor. "Fuck it. You know what I mean."

"Yeah."

They are nearly equal in height, and his head fits perfectly on her shoulder, against her neck, his nose buried in her hair. Her pulse is steady, her hand warm on the small of his back. There is tension in her posture, her back kept straight out of a different kind of training than the one he'd had. They could bridge these gaps; they've (mostly, he's) made some attempt. But there's only two of them and an entire galaxy opening and widening chasms faster than they can build and fix their own bridges. There is always hope; Kol can always see it, anyway, but hope is no guarantee (and that's one thing they always agree on).

A galactic union, a lasting peace between the factions, is not too much to hope for, even in their lifetimes. Even without this, without her, Kol would pursue it through every avenue he could see or even imagine to get it, and yet--if it brings a sliver of time for them, together, without this political mess built on over a century of galactic conflict--it will be even more worth whatever arbitrary limit Kol could set. The path is uncertain; his master would tell him he's getting ahead of himself, stepping too far down into an uncertain future. He can't see it, or grab it by the blurriest of edges, but it's there and possible, a reward Jedi aren't supposed to want.

"You're spacing out again," says Morrigan. "Thinking about anything?"

"Galactic peace."

"And here I was, thinking about something else we could be doing."

Her tone is teasing, but she's still holding on, her body pressed tighter against his.

"Working toward galactic peace?"

Morrigan snorts. "I walked right into that one."

She leaves a quick kiss on his neck before she detaches herself. Her eyes are dry; she's always had a poker face but he's always wished she could let it down a little more with him. But he won't ask for everything she won't give. He takes what is given. That's the Jedi way, the will of the Force.

"Ah, well," she says, and she gives him a smile, one that hasn't been calculated to flash her teeth just well.

"So what were you thinking about?" he says.

"Take a guess, Kol."


End file.
